Be honest…
Photo by Ricardo Gomez Angel on Unsplash
Good morning, sweet Rise and Shine friends!
It has been a minute since we have met.
A lot has happened in the world over the last few weeks, and to be honest, I have not been in a great place.
Logging off my social media, again, has helped.
Images upon images, words upon words, opinions upon opinions….my heart, body, brain and spirit became weary.
For a few nights I was restless. I even had a panic attack, which I have not had one of those in a long time.
Just keeping it real here.
I have felt a heaviness on my chest…a sadness, a grief, an unexplainable feeling.
Finally, I reached out for prayer, after trying to pray my way through it alone.
Literally, within a few hours of reaching out to a couple of friends for prayer, I began to feel better.
One of my friends that I reached out to, is basically a Christian counselor without the letters behind her name. :)
She has been through a lot of life, and she has written about it as well.
She has struggled a great deal, her whole life actually, with fear, anxiety, and panic. So, I decided to finally pick up a book authored by her and read it.
Friends, it is a must read.
If you struggle, or have a friend who struggles, please consider getting her book. I will link it at the bottom of this post.
As we were chatting, she told me that she thought I was carrying a lot of grief. She said that those were classic symptoms.
She knew about my daughter’s incident this Summer, and she said I had not fully processed all of that. I had been so busy taking care of her that I had not begun the healing work of going through a traumatic event.
Listen, I know that many of my friends here on Shine struggle with fear and anxiety.
It is debilitating. It is actually physically painful at times.
It robs us of joy, and to be honest, it has made me question everything about my faith.
I had to finally admit to God that I had trust issues with Him. I had prayed so many prayers of protection over my daughter…sooooo many.
Why did He let her get injured? Where was He?
Yes, I actually asked Him those questions. I learned it from King David.
He was always asking God those hard questions. Those questions that we think are hidden deep…yet they begin to create illness in our bodies and spirits if not brought to the light of God’s healing.
He wants us to be honest with Him. What kind of relationship do we have with Jesus if we cannot be honest??
I am so thankful for God’s saving Grace and all of the ways that He was with my daughter the day of her incident. God was clearly there.
Yet, I still had questions.
I have seen God change things and move things around in an amazing way after she was in the incident. He has re-directed her path in the best ways.
Yet, I still had questions.
I knew that God was Good, oh so Good.
Yet, I still had questions.
I felt let down, to be gut wrenchingly honest.
And, I told Him this.
He can handle it.
Let me tell you something, as soon as I released those words and that hurt and grief and doubt to Him….I began to feel peace.
I felt light pouring into those dark places of doubt and questions and faith lacking areas.
Jesus tells us in Matthew 11:28,
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Yet, we don’t come to Him. We actually run from Him. We log on the internet searching for answers. We drown ourselves in social media looking for answers and to numb and pacify our pain.
We put on a happy face, when our insides are wreathing in pain and suffering.
We say all of our Christian jargon, as our hearts are bitter and angry.
I am speaking from experience here. I thought for many years it was a mind over matter thing.
However, I missed the mark. It is a heart issue. It is a trust issue.
We are trusting in outcomes, and worldy news and advice, and trusting in what we “see”, instead of what God tells us in His Holy Word.
We have made life so complicated.
We neglect things like proper nourishment, rest, fellowship with others, going outside and breathing in God’s healing Creation, turning off our technology, visiting with neighbors who live right next door instead of across a screen.
These ordinary things that we neglect, are all a part of God’s healing plan for us.
It is so simple, yet we make it so not simple.
We are like Eve….wanting more and more and more…
We like to be in the “know”.
And honestly, it is robbing us of being in the present.
I am exhausted. How about you?
I have a challenge for us…
First, write a letter to Jesus. Spill your heart to Him. All of it. Be as honest as you can.
Second, spend less time on your phones this week. Be intentional about it. Put a limit on your time online and maybe even take any addictive apps off of your phone for a time. Including the news. I promise you, you will not miss a thing. We did this for years before we had cell phones. :)
Friend, if you are struggling with anxiety, please know you are not alone. We are made from dust, and Jesus knew we would struggle. He tells us many times in His Word.
It is an opportunity to fall into His ever-loving and ever-lasting arms.
He is safe.
He is Good.
He can handle it.
Now breathe, and go enjoy this day.
No matter what is going on…look for Him in it. He is there.
If you want a wonderful resource, please get my friend Candace Roberts book on Amazon. You can find it here. It is called Becoming Light.
I love you, and I am praying for all of you to feel the Peace of Jesus. To breathe in His Love, Joy, Peace, and Healing.
falling into Jesus,
jill
