Last week was a heavy one .

A family very dear to us lost their beloved husband and father. The loss left behind a beautiful wife with two radiant girls. He fought a long and hard battle with cancer.

Shortly after, we get the news that a friend of my daughter’s took his life in her dorm on her college campus.

The very next day, a young college girl out for a morning jog was brutally attacked and killed, on the same campus my daughter attends.

Jesus, be near. The only words I can think to mutter.

Yesterday was the first day of February, and it was absolutely beautiful outside.

The sun was shining, the sky was a pale blue, the perfect conditions for a long walk in my neighborhood.

I grabbed my black coat before heading out the door, thinking I may need it because, well, it is FEBRUARY.

Inhaling the warm air, I smiled and thanked God for such a sweet and sunny day. My soul craves sunshine and warmth, so this was the perfect remedy.

About ten minutes into my walk, my coat felt like a load of bricks on my body. I felt suffocated underneath the heaviness of it.

The warm sun was beaming down and the coat was not really needed.

With each step, the coat felt heavier and heavier, but at this point, I was too far along on my walk to take the coat back home.

I wore it anyway. Even feeling dragged down and heavy laden with it on, I kept going.

As i walked my dog in our neighborhood, feet sloshing through puddles on the ground, I breathed deep the winter air.

Under my breath, I whispered, “thank you, Jesus.”

For many, many years, I hated this time of year.

I would pout and moan and groan during this entire month because I longed for sunshine and warmth.

Lately, I have come to lean into this season.

The gloomy, the wet, the cold, the quiet…

I see it differently now.