Yesterday was the first day of February, and it was absolutely beautiful outside.

The sun was shining, the sky was a pale blue, the perfect conditions for a long walk in my neighborhood.

I grabbed my black coat before heading out the door, thinking I may need it because, well, it is FEBRUARY.

Inhaling the warm air, I smiled and thanked God for such a sweet and sunny day. My soul craves sunshine and warmth, so this was the perfect remedy.

About ten minutes into my walk, my coat felt like a load of bricks on my body. I felt suffocated underneath the heaviness of it.

The warm sun was beaming down and the coat was not really needed.

With each step, the coat felt heavier and heavier, but at this point, I was too far along on my walk to take the coat back home.

I wore it anyway. Even feeling dragged down and heavy laden with it on, I kept going.

As i walked my dog in our neighborhood, feet sloshing through puddles on the ground, I breathed deep the winter air.

Under my breath, I whispered, “thank you, Jesus.”

For many, many years, I hated this time of year.

I would pout and moan and groan during this entire month because I longed for sunshine and warmth.

Lately, I have come to lean into this season.

The gloomy, the wet, the cold, the quiet…

I see it differently now.

Years ago, I was sitting at a table in a small bible study at my church.

At the time, I had very very small children.

As we went around and shared our hearts and prayer requests, a lady in her mid-forties spoke up…

She said that she was depressed and bitter over her adult child. Her child had not been good about reaching out to her and it was hurting her feelings.

She went on to say that she had decided to not even try to reach out to them because she felt it was her adult child’s responsibility to pursue her.

With two very small children of my own, I remember feeling sorry for her. I imagined a decade or two later how my life would be. Would my children be too busy for me?

Well, here I am. Around the same age as the lady in that bible study so long ago.